Friday, December 28, 2012

I was going to repost, but honestly I don't want to share this with everyone. You are very sweet on the surface, the place where you and I mostly interact. You must follow your core needs first, strip everything away till you are getting simply what you need and giving what you can in life then build on that and don't allow yourself the insanity of outside influence. You naturally will flourish with what you need and naturally sicken when you experience and do what you do not need. Learn, Grow, Adapt, Conquer.
She just needs the love of a great looking man that works hard and wants to pay her to be artistic all over the world. I'm sure he exists just to make her happy and that someday he will fall out of the sky and she will realize that her deepest needs are the greatest passion of another individual. Keep the path, be true to yourself and settle for nothing less than you believe expresses and supports what you are and what you desire to be. Anything less and the world around you will punish you, it will be cruel and it will lash out at you for your sin against yourself. Fighting against what you in truth need always leads to severe reality embroilment and upheaval of all of what you would consider 'every day stuff.' Take heed, turn away from Armageddon and walk the path of light.

Monday, October 1, 2012

A close friend

I look in on your life and from my distant perception 

You seem to have very little money coming in that is not going out. 

I assume these books you are pushing talk about attaining and amassing wealth of some form. 

You certainly have lots of things, but do you have the financial ability you are so keen on suggesting others strive for?

Show me my assumptions are false if you will, I am worried about you and your family. Not like you are a sinking ship, just that I expect these financial wisdom would bring more to you than I see when I visit you.

You are certainly you, sweet and wild. I love you and I want you to be wealthy, I want to see you doing good with everything that you have.

I don't feel that you are, and I don't know how to tell you this without being what I feel to be rude I suppose.

Take a vacation. Come out of the worm hole and sit placid for a few days. Be alone if you can. Be silent if you can. What else can I suggest? Give a week to nothing but your two kids and your wife. Remove all other people from you and your life for 90% of the day.

I need you to do whatever you do to snap yourself into an irregular state of mind that is based on large long term planning, retrospective and introspective rumination...

you are the man, but what does that mean?

If I am wrong then I am wrong, but I can't keep myself from sharing this with you here in this cold and soundless void. It isn't the best way to convey this. I suppose I might cry if I did it in person

You would certainly have so many opportunities to interrupt me and I couldn't fixate grin.

I am proud of all that you do for others, I think you should do more for yourself and for your family and property.

Are you getting rich? You have an aging house and ugly dying cars in your front yard. You don't look like you are progressing to me. You have a BUNCH of glass in the back yard. How's that working out for you? I want to imagine you are saving up all your money and not spending it more than making it but it just doesn't look to be true.

I am worried about the future of you and your family. You have been preaching about making money for a long time, I figured you would be earning up over 8k a month above your bills and such. I assumed you would have no problem fixing your car that needs a new engine. It's a grand. This is not a large amount of money gone to waste, that car is very new and very nice looking. It is old enough that it is easy to work on but new enough to still be stylish...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I got some feedback from my whiteboard question pertaining to you not paying bills. If you want to talk to me, I intend on understanding both sides. I think they call the shit mediation. I hope you noticed I stopped going on about you getting work or whatever. I know that you know it is one of those things we both hate doing. Many things in my day I hate doing but to not do them would be to take down all that I have created and fall into the hands of those around me. It isn't chaos, it feels half assed when I live under someone else's guidance... I think you know what I mean.

It has always given me great pleasure to provide a comfortable and lawful environment for others, whoever they may be. To think of my home as a beautiful refuge for those who are willing to contribute and be positive, filling the space with vitality. Many times this is not the case but that is the burden of making the effort while still doing all the other things I have come to find as my responsibility.

I AM SO HAPPY YOU HAVE YOUR KID, see god may not have granted you smooth transition with the wife but I doubt the powers above would lay my child into this home as long as I would desire. These offspring drag us into slavery to the dollar and a million other organized systems. I assume the only way out is through, because the alternative leaves behind a consuming fire of betrayal and disappointment.

Anyhow, I'm here to share and listen and do whatever I can to work through this and breed an environment of tolerance if you naturally continue to freeload here off of us all ever so slightly. I mean that seriously, to me you aren't much of a burden financially and I feel if I wanted I could get a much more fruitful friendship staged.

Lets call it on hold. Seems this living together has created some kind of friction we need to work through. Look at me ramble on.. With no spaces for paragraphs, what a huge pile of shit you have been reading, let me go back and tidy this up....

Little better. Anyhow the boys are mentioning you should share some of the bills. That comes to less than 200 dollars a month. Your piece of rent Allie already covers I believe/assume/whatever so I suppose the other 200 she could cover to placate the boys.

you know why I don't complain. I like having someone that frequents the house while I work. I suppose Sean and Ellie do that as well, and somehow make some money. God knows if I didn't work for my father my dumb ass would probably be just as lost as you. I have been several times in my life.

So fuck it. I keep going to work far from here doing something mundane for double minimum wage because nowhere else pays me that up front every week and you have the joy of full time fatherhood for a moment or longer.

Whatever happens I know that you and I are good. You know whatever you ask of me I will do what I can and you will do the same. We love each other and we want the best for each other.

If you need to talk to someone, go somewhere, do something and I can help you know it, just like I know I can get that from you so let me ask:

How the fuck do I start transitioning from this job I am in to being a paid sober man for these production guys you know? Work on that for me, get me off the day train and into electronic wilds while maintaining my sobriety and other responsibilities and I will be forever grateful <3

I hardly see you. Sorry about that. Not really you or me, it is life and mine is so full. Socializing right now just does not feel like my thing... Dunno what the fuck is up yet, waiting and trying to act natural i suppose
sorry I haven't been around. You two haven't been much harm to my life, it's my job. Killing me last week. Also staying in town when I can come home to my woman is difficult. I want to marry her, so I would like to talk to you and Rusty about how you went about it, how it has been, and if signing some legal paper is worth it in any way or if being together is enough. I hope things have been well for you two. Still a little mad at Rus for not coming to work with me those two days. I made money and it was ok, but I really want to spend time with him earning money, not just bullshitting around his grill. I don't know many gentlemen right now, not ones I feel are worth working hard with and sharing the heavy load of this world, but Rusty is one of those men. I never imagined he would grow up and stop being a shit. He was a real shit at first, I suppose we all were. I am proud to know all 3 boys, and I think you and your boy are very sweet. I'm writing you because I haven't, I'm writing you because I am sorry for being a bit of a troublemaker. We all have problems, mine might as well be my mouth. --------- Also I love to write. They call it a gift but I am too lazy to share it with everyone in a more constructive way than this. Be well. I will see you again, and your family 

Monday, May 28, 2012

After typing this wall of text I wanted to add to the top a standard
disclaimer. I am a long winded guy with too much to say. I don't want
to be a bother at all so this entire email can be summed up in a

I just realized renting of this house obligates me to make sure you
get ~1800/mo. When the 1st comes around and Vanessa has the money
chances are still high that I will print this lease and sign it, and
get that 1200 F/L/D on it's way to you. I am surprised by the total
price of rent but understand why when I think about everything that
this house gives a tenant. I would like for you to help me believe
that by moving into this home I am going to continue saving money
towards getting a place of my own much smaller and more affordable
than your beautiful home, not giving you more than I had intended in
cash overall, but hopefully helping you make this place worth even
more money for when I hope that you can eventually sell it and make a
sizable profit

What is your plan with this house? Are you ever going to develop the
back yard? When do you plan to clean the carpets? I have my part of
rent ready to go, Vanessa gets a lump sum on the first but will not
move in till halfway through the month. Once I affirm that my previous
arrangement with Allie is still solid [~400/mo + a share of util
internet etc] I will go ahead with my plan to move in.

I am a lazy man when it comes to these things, and very easy going. I
just want to be honest with you about my trust issues with other
people. I see Allie as a rare individual that I am 100% copacetic
with, she will always pay her bills and be polite. My girlfriend will
do the same, but who knows what these other individuals might do? So
far every time I have visited the house has maintained the beautiful
well groomed look I have come to expect, I hope that continues but I
can't kick the voice in the back of my head that says there is a
serious risk here.

The contract binds me to a $20,600 debt. I recognize that your risks
are far higher than mine and that renters have more protection/rights
than they should ever have, I just wish there were two more fantastic
roommates lined up to sign your lease.

How do we handle new tenants? How do I keep myself from paying more
than I verbally agreed to pay in the first place without rushing in
whoever we can find? I would be willing to sign a longer contract if
my payments were set below five hundred dollars. I would like this to
be my last rental. I want to buy a house within the next five years
and I am already kicking most of my extra money into a savings
account. If those rooms go empty it will eat up my savings and have me
looking for a second job.

400 x 12 is only 4,800 Travis, we can go ahead and add 100 to that,
make it 6 grand and that sounds like a much safer investment for room
and board. I have to have a serious talk with my girlfriend and with
Allie before I leap into something more than three times the original
projected amount.

Can you do anything to make me feel better about moving in?

And let me just ramble on here, awesome place! I do not at all like
the back yard but the deck is fantastic and 3 1/2 bathrooms a luxury.
No one seems to utilize that front entryway well at all, when you come
in the door it is just strange. I often feel like this generation is
moving into homes structured for an entirely different type of
culture. We live in our rooms, Vanessa and I, and spend most of our
time on computers. Sure we like to go outside and hike and dance and
travel but when we are working normal all week we just come home and
maintain. We don't spend time in the living room and hardly ever eat
as a family because we do not have a big family. This house suits a
man, woman and three children all through school and college. The only
thing it lacks is a fence and more parking. You assume the kids are
moving out some day, because there are only 2 spaces in the garage.

None of the bedrooms upstairs have decks! WTF MAN? Who comes up with
these house models?

Travis I want a deck for the master bedroom. Boy do I know a bunch of
fantastic carpenters. How are you financially? I would love to be a
part of making your investment worth more. I happen to be related to a
small local corporation. The Roof Doctor. It would break my heart if
you had some other guys roof this house or even fix roofing problems.
I have been at it my whole life, please don't hesitate to ask me to
fix problems in this field, please let me look your roof over when I
move in and for the love of all that is holy to you please do not ever
ever ever pressure wash it.

Terrible for roofs, cuts 3 years off of a 15 year product.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

once you know you can never forget. You can spend your life working with the change you want to see in the world or you can watch. There is a middle ground, you can do something but not everything, you can do nothing but then again that is also impossible. You must remember that you will do what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it. Everything is happening as it should and you, with the world and this moment are unfolding all as an experience of itself for itself.

"It will all be ok" is no longer true in my own perception. What is true is that It will All Be. Right and wrong, pleasure, suffering, It happens to everything, every being, every day we see animals plants, the planet die, there is so much overindulgence to end BUT it has gone on for so long, so many people believe it is alright and the problem is that our very nature and overall will is that of the great plan. What if this is all a part of the planets evolution and all of what we are doing is just what planets do and no matter how much we talk about it it is going to push us to do what we are biologically destined to do?

What are you destined to do? Listen to your heart and your body, do what you know you were meant to do and be who you were meant to be.

If you leave this place, you will find the same thing some other place, maybe different people and different events, different "better" culture but your purpose, the vibration you emanate and the patterns you propagate will continue to form in the same way, who you are carries with you and will saturate any environment you inhabit and the only way to change the reality that forms around you, is by changing your mental emotional patterns within you.

<3 Namaste.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I'll keep treating you like a good friend cause you are, not because I am obligated to. Sometimes I seem to make you really really mad and it bums me out. Can't keep telling yourself I intentionally ruined your friendship with nessa. We go out of our way to avoid you two meeting up, but in about 6 months that will be impossible to avoid. I really think you have this need to see me as a criminal, a demon [odd that you are so polite in person but seem to secretly dispise and hate me] because if you recognized that over the time we have been seperate i did everything I could be inwardly correct the male driven selfish personality flaws within myself that kept us seperate, then you would see that a woman you know told you to stay away from me now desperately wants to stay around me. She simply did not know or understand how I would treat her. She was under the false impression that the man I was was the man you explained me to be by my actions, by my interactions with you which is simply not a valid way to view me. Not anymore as we both have changed.

My core is the same, I can't do any better by you and that is the truth. I failed to please you, as all of life seems in my eyes to fail to please you, except our child which fails to please no one. She is boss. We made that together and I am very proud of that and our relationship surrounding her. I will always love you Jade, because you are such a caring and lawful individual. I would kill for you and I would die for our child.