Tuesday, November 22, 2011


I come accross only fragments of my memories with him. He was at first a man that was close enough to me that I did not faulter, I did not hesitate to let him close enough to put soap in my mouth, a lesson for speaking too loose that I never understood, not till my lips were sealed shut by many more instances and punishments tho more silent less abrupt less blatant and forward. Less agressive and loving. I would say that he loved me, I would say many of them loved me as much as they tolerated me in my way for being as odd as I was. I will never know. I only have my memories and they are clouded with my own imagination. What is not imagined is the last time that I saw him and the awkward way that I made everyone feel. They hardly worked, tho we took enough sillypsybin to work for us all and it was overly dissapointed and in such an odd space with his mother there in the home if I remember and we all just wandered around and didn't do anything productive. So many trips ended up that way. I would love to take him somewhere and drop some of this LSD. That would show him. That took me to another world where only the forehead of my lover was there and the white light I can never remember properly only the intricate web of things that surrounded me all the rainbow thoughts winding together and singing to me

Enemys again?

I will never try to take Mara from you, I will never tell her you are bad or wrong. I will never tell her I know better than you [because I do not] I will never tell her to leave you and be with me. I will never lie about my financial status to keep Mara from getting what she needs. 

I am secure in my home and work life. I maintain the same phone number and my location is always going to be available to you. Please do not worry about any foul intent.

If you have any other fears or concerns please voice them. Do not hide from me, do not decide that I am plotting and do not plot against me. I would always rather not be your enemy.

Take time with this. Close the gap that has come between us. Work through the troubles that have come to pass. I mean you no harm. If you cannot see that, I cannot convince you alone, you must be willing to understand and see it to be true.

Your house is very nice, your boyfriend is very sweet and polite, Mara has her own room and tons of toys there. I hope you can find some way for her to make friends in that neighborhood. She needs more friends her age!

She is so polite and most times she knows what she needs and tells me when she needs it. You two are doing a great job in my opinion. Thank you for getting to where you are. I hope it works out there. If I can ever help my home is available to you and Mara. I doubt it will come to that. You handle shit very well.

Be well and don't be a fucking stranger man

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


My truck was a total mess. With winter hours and job rates setting in there are 3 major things I need to start doing:

1. File for unemployment
2. Keep the shop clean
3. Seek Cash employment opportunities

This means cleaning out the gutters at my parents, grilling everyone for anything I can do to help out and get paid, luckily there is a vast system in place.

The hardest is unemployment. I just have trouble with the questions... Luckliy I have a friend on unemployment that can help me out with it.

The rest of my life is pretty fantastic.

I finally made public my union with this woman. She really had altered everything for me. Mainly I never blog anymore. I seldom do so many things that would take my time up because now she takes up that time. After this Spring she should arrive and my hobbies will be more interactive. This is a small project for her. Adobe Photoshop tutorials shall maybe ensue as future projects that I am learning on here but IDK hard to get motivated.

I am fighting a horribly long winded cold virus at this time and it makes me rage. Videogames also make me rage. I play so many different champions on League of Legends and it just is not that much fun

I could be anythinging else and be more productive. Not all that important but it would be nice to generate some more income.

Saving has started. I wonder what the difference is between Key and Sterling savings. Chase and American Express, Wells fargo and GE Visa Mastercard all these money lending corporations and there is no clear leader. All have different pros and cons but what are they? is there a comprehensive guide out there somewhere?