Sunday, August 19, 2012

I got some feedback from my whiteboard question pertaining to you not paying bills. If you want to talk to me, I intend on understanding both sides. I think they call the shit mediation. I hope you noticed I stopped going on about you getting work or whatever. I know that you know it is one of those things we both hate doing. Many things in my day I hate doing but to not do them would be to take down all that I have created and fall into the hands of those around me. It isn't chaos, it feels half assed when I live under someone else's guidance... I think you know what I mean.

It has always given me great pleasure to provide a comfortable and lawful environment for others, whoever they may be. To think of my home as a beautiful refuge for those who are willing to contribute and be positive, filling the space with vitality. Many times this is not the case but that is the burden of making the effort while still doing all the other things I have come to find as my responsibility.

I AM SO HAPPY YOU HAVE YOUR KID, see god may not have granted you smooth transition with the wife but I doubt the powers above would lay my child into this home as long as I would desire. These offspring drag us into slavery to the dollar and a million other organized systems. I assume the only way out is through, because the alternative leaves behind a consuming fire of betrayal and disappointment.

Anyhow, I'm here to share and listen and do whatever I can to work through this and breed an environment of tolerance if you naturally continue to freeload here off of us all ever so slightly. I mean that seriously, to me you aren't much of a burden financially and I feel if I wanted I could get a much more fruitful friendship staged.

Lets call it on hold. Seems this living together has created some kind of friction we need to work through. Look at me ramble on.. With no spaces for paragraphs, what a huge pile of shit you have been reading, let me go back and tidy this up....

Little better. Anyhow the boys are mentioning you should share some of the bills. That comes to less than 200 dollars a month. Your piece of rent Allie already covers I believe/assume/whatever so I suppose the other 200 she could cover to placate the boys.

you know why I don't complain. I like having someone that frequents the house while I work. I suppose Sean and Ellie do that as well, and somehow make some money. God knows if I didn't work for my father my dumb ass would probably be just as lost as you. I have been several times in my life.

So fuck it. I keep going to work far from here doing something mundane for double minimum wage because nowhere else pays me that up front every week and you have the joy of full time fatherhood for a moment or longer.

Whatever happens I know that you and I are good. You know whatever you ask of me I will do what I can and you will do the same. We love each other and we want the best for each other.

If you need to talk to someone, go somewhere, do something and I can help you know it, just like I know I can get that from you so let me ask:

How the fuck do I start transitioning from this job I am in to being a paid sober man for these production guys you know? Work on that for me, get me off the day train and into electronic wilds while maintaining my sobriety and other responsibilities and I will be forever grateful <3

I hardly see you. Sorry about that. Not really you or me, it is life and mine is so full. Socializing right now just does not feel like my thing... Dunno what the fuck is up yet, waiting and trying to act natural i suppose
sorry I haven't been around. You two haven't been much harm to my life, it's my job. Killing me last week. Also staying in town when I can come home to my woman is difficult. I want to marry her, so I would like to talk to you and Rusty about how you went about it, how it has been, and if signing some legal paper is worth it in any way or if being together is enough. I hope things have been well for you two. Still a little mad at Rus for not coming to work with me those two days. I made money and it was ok, but I really want to spend time with him earning money, not just bullshitting around his grill. I don't know many gentlemen right now, not ones I feel are worth working hard with and sharing the heavy load of this world, but Rusty is one of those men. I never imagined he would grow up and stop being a shit. He was a real shit at first, I suppose we all were. I am proud to know all 3 boys, and I think you and your boy are very sweet. I'm writing you because I haven't, I'm writing you because I am sorry for being a bit of a troublemaker. We all have problems, mine might as well be my mouth. --------- Also I love to write. They call it a gift but I am too lazy to share it with everyone in a more constructive way than this. Be well. I will see you again, and your family