So many things unsaid!
First is easy: Get over yourself and your little world of venom and disconnected failures. I DID EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY COULD and it was never enough and I never felt like it was worth it, always took your failures as my own. Took your pain and awkward garbage and stored it up in my own mind creating a sweet little paranoia and neurosis. I would like to think so many things were impossible but one lie sprouted a thousand doubts. And you tell me NOW that things are supposed to be different? NOW you are cold you heartless disembodied bitch?
We are from different worlds. We always were but now I remove a true stone from your foundation. Something you did not believe [nor myself honestly] could be taken from you and I say now: THE BEST THINGS IN ME are gone from you and given to that stone. I shall take all my hope and cast it upon my own shoulders and carry it without fear that the next woman will drag it through the subjective shit.
Fuck it I have been over this, all I have is a cold sense of understanding, all I have is a deep seeded resentment for your lack of understanding. Nothing can break down what I have just created. It will stand forever and all tests to come.
I look back and I see you through a thick fog. My attention was so inward, so 'cool' so reactive and rebellion based. I was a demon and my smile was so sharp. You fell in the way they all do, talking of magic and the darkness. Speaking of powers beyond what we can see and know. Spoke of things I had read much of, spoke of things I wanted more of.
I took you and used you up, I found everything you could teach and dropped you the moment I found you lacking any more substance for me to consume and re express through my own hot bright stream of light.
What a rascal. I did not bruise you so badly that you wouldn't bow down to me, I could take my hand and softly lower you to the floor at my feet in a state of bliss and devotion. Ah the demon smiles to know my shadow hand reaches out into those hearts I so easily forgot and discarded, it laughs and remembers that after all bridges I can see are burned, there are many more waiting for my cry to emerge from the depths of my past.
Long have my arms become. My grip so strong even so long ago...
Oh dear, the feeling creeps up that I should make my way all the way there and take another taste to embolden your sense of self and lift you up. You were so much to me, through all the evil I felt, I can admit and accept it all as failure on your own part to properly deal with these situations.
This is also the reason I will not, I will never cross lines with you again. Yes you are craved yes you are beautiful and worth a moments pain that will certainly again pass but no I will not risk total failure, submission to a false statue too frozen to be broken free.
I have lost all faith in you, but in truth I will never express that notion to you.
Lie lie lie
I have become so capable of telling them what they need to hear, forming reality around them through my vision. It is not what I see but what they need to see to take the next step towards where they are going and who they are going to become, in whatever way I have become a seer, a shaman and a dealer of magical conjurations
They come with an unspoken price, lessons will be learned and everyone including myself gets what they deserve