Monday, August 15, 2011


Think of how our best friend built you up, think of how this was never supposed to occur, how I have been for all this time off limits.. Now maybe YOU have not had raving fantasy about the 3 of us but I have. It is impossible. The woman is full of issues, I had assumed you were just as mentally busted as she, I assumed many things to keep my mind clear of showing intent or desire past the point of shallow male i-want-to-fuck-everything-that-moves.

but then there were those moments when we spoke. You were given a vast and powerful concept in my mind. You were given the role of Magus, sexual temptress, master of the house from the first moment that I knew you.

Your boyfriend just made the shit worse, he explained some things that I could not wait to experience from our best friend... The moment I realized those secrets of the bed had no place in our best friend I was crushed. My focus of course shifted, and she has become highly talented tho, too impatient, too hard and rushed for my truest and most enjoyable form of sexual intimacy. A good experience takes more time than it should. foreplay is easy to start skipping after sex each and every day like a ritual. Once every week? Maybe best. I'd love to say it is enough, a body always comes to want more, gets tired of routine, gets tired of the same old conversations or actions.

But wait, how can that be true if we write so much? What drives this? There are dangers, but it really is all from false or grand expectations

So what do we expect? Lets be plain: I have been without a woman for too long. I don't believe in long term relationships anymore, but every time I get close to a woman there is that mad hope. It must be biological.

And honestly, I have really loved you for years now. Our 'relationship' has grown for a very long time in some ways, in enough ways to give you access to parts of me that are hidden to 90% of the world. I am a very hard individual to crack. I relentlessly attack but seldom give pause or try to be open or available.

Selfish and aggressive, I put up my largest wall with ignorance. I blindly seek what I want ignoring the wants of others. But I am paying close attention to you.

I want little bits given, but I want to give you what you have been missing. If by chance I fail to do so it will shock me, make me feel small, but I am always ready to feel the pain, to risk it for the elation of mastering a new body, a new channel through which I can worship the mother Earth and be humbled and thankful beneath her.

Take your time. I think I outlined my ability to be there, anytime if you just ask. I can come, give and then be gone or stay depending on where you meet me. I can find a place if you do not have a place, my financial situation will allow some very nice views if it please you.

I must tell you that beyond what I have heard, I was looking at you every moment that I could, I was fond of your style of dress, your sweet manner and your soft steps. The empathy you speak of was very plain and is a very passionate thing to touch. The most important thing is reverence and slow progression. I'll spend my first hour just touching you, haha in fact I hope it doesn't throw you off but the next time I see you, an embrace and a smell of you will be very desired. I base so much on the way a woman smells, not your perfume, but your sweat, ah but taste is important as well I suppose.

But style? look? nah. When you shiver at my touch, my whole skin will fill with goosebumps and my body will light on fire. The chakras will all fire and my crown will open. I feel very magical honoring the female body, it is the true purpose of our bodies, to make copies.

Take your time, but please know that I am deeply afraid of breaching this final wall. I ask for it, I beg and plead and pander. I say "is it time yet????" but oh my god is it scary. You aren't some random woman, you never have been anything less than the highest form of open love I have known in my life. When our clothes fall to the ground and my hands take that first step towards your belly I'll be giving you my heart and you will know the power a woman can have over me. I can be very dominant. I am at most times, but I will bend endlessly for a mate.

We should. I need the intensity, I need to see and remember what I am capable of, but please do not think that it will change things so much that you will need to run.

If you run it would be a typical experience for me and I will crave answers. I will ask in so many ways "who am i?" what is wrong with me"

LOL its great too, because if you think as I, you might say "its not you, you are beautiful, I love everything about you... I just can't be who you need me to be and you deserve so much more than this"

meh. I gotta go.