bleh

More than ever.. Good luck friend, my life got tight and hard to the point where I pulled the Jeep. Originally my thinking was that she has not used it to secure a job of any kind. That she was just playing and avoiding work, afterall... Why get any possible job doing whatever she possibly can when it doesn't pay as well as not working?

I layed some hard shit on myself last night as I watched her put up with a pretty lame situation with her awkward roomate 'Mike' who seems to be a huge fuck.

Her and this older lady Denae? seem so helpless. And she goes on and on about laying in the bed she made, like she needs to live some shit life.

I can't help but feel like her being with me took away so much of the odd shittyness in her life and when she left me to come down to Oregon she somehow found it all again, like a warm smelly blanket that she knows and understands. Like she said to herself 'Ah, at least here I know my place' or whatever.

My baby, I just worry about the stress over my baby. Good support systems don't magically appear for people, and it doesn't seem like she has alot of friends or support at all, maybe it was just the day and the time?

Anyhow I'm blowing up this effect upon myself and my daughter, blowing it out of proportion, we are both affected little.. It's just so strange to me to see how she would rather live to avoid the life I offer.

Reminds me of the 300 spartans dying a horrible death to maintain a hard shit life for the rest of the spartans.